It's just another day in paradise

It's 5:45 a.m. and a African-American police officer has been waiting for me to walk by in front of Richmond Police Department headquarters. He says, "What's up?" I don't respond, which disrespects him. Every black man and woman in America is automatically entitled to my respect, until they do something to earn my disrespect, like don the uniform of the RPD (Report-Takers Police Department).

But don't let it be a black and a white one
Cuz they slam ya down to the street top
Black police showin out for the white cop
- Fuck Tha' Police, NWA

One of the guys who runs the Freedom House soup kitchen at the Salvation Army asks me if I still work at Tiffany's. (Hey, I really do have wax in my left ear, compacted from putting in a hearing protection plug at a Rachel Leyco Band show.) I used to know his name, but I forgot. If I were casting "The Mike Tyson Story," he'd be a trainer or cut man. If I were having a wedding reception, I'd hire him to be a bouncer and to tell the guests it's time to get to stepping. How do you know you're finished... I'm a little groggy at 6 a.m. but I realize it's another "Joan of Arcadia" moment courtesy of Janeane Garofalo. I don't have breakfast at Tiffany's, nor do I buy any rings there. And I guess that Janeane thinks she's Audrey Hepburn and I'm George Peppard or OMG, OMG I'm Buddy Ebsen - eewww!- and I should watch the movie for important clues. The only problem is that I'm still decoding the secret messages in a stack of "Badly Drawn Boy" CDs. Audrey Hepburn was 5', 7" and Janeane is 5', 1" though their weight is almost the same (Janeane weighs 99 pounds, Audrey, 110). Anyhoo, my favorite Hepburn film is "Two for the Road." And I get all my jewelry at Don Dransfeld in Shockhoe Slip, jeweler to the has-been stars, or at least one of them...

We off the block this year
Went from a little to a lot this year
Everybody mad at the rocks that I wear
I know where I'm goin' and I know where I'm from
You hear LOX in your ear
Yea, we're at the airport out decline from the block
Where everybody air-forced-out
With a new white Tee, you fresh
Nothin' phony with us, make the money, get the mansion, bring the homies with us

Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got
I'm still, I'm still Jenny from the block
Used to have a little, now I have a lot
No matter where I go, I know where I came from (from the Bronx!)

- Jennifer Lopez