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Style Weekly: "the politics of fear and a growing racial divide still cripple Richmond [Virginia]." Mayor Douglas Wilder: "a cesspool of corruption and inefficiency." Ninth most dangerous city in the US. The state claims that "Virginia is for lovers" but the General Assembly passed a law "which some contend is the most anti-gay legislation in the country." (Style Weekly) And don't get me started on Henhicko County, Native American for "land of the hicks." Now at www.richmondsucks.com.

August 10, 2006

I toasted your ass. You're my bitch now. - Gerard Mulligan, the David Letterman Show

I've opened up a second front. Hey, it worked for Hitler in Russia, huh? Walking back and forth this morning outside the Virginia Commonwealth University police station on West Grace Street with a sign that reads, "Kiss my ass, Eugene Trani." A woman cadet or intern with short red hair opens the door and suggests I take my sign elsewhere, preferably to Eugene Trani's office on West Franklin. I say First Amendment yada, yada, yada. She gives me the address. An officer says he's offended by the language on the sign. I say you can hear the same language on late night talk shows. I say I'm offended by guys who don't wear shirts, but there's no law against it. He says some people are offended by novelty t-shirts such as the one I'm wearing that says,"Whoever said, 'Money can't buy happiness' forgot about prostitution." I say some people are offended by overweight guys. He asks if I think he's overweight. I suggest he ask his doctor. I say that some people are offended by lesbians. At which point, the cadet or intern calls me "Jack" and closes the door. Yet another candidate for a refresher course in customer relations. My name is not Jack - Tripper or Ripper. My name is Chris Martin - yes, Gwyneth Paltrow made a horrible mistake which she regrets every day. The whole encounter has a surrealistic feel - like the the Knights of the Round Table at the French castle in "Monty Python and the Holy Grail," with me as a stand-in in for the knights and the VCU police being the French:

French Soldier: You don't frighten us, English pig dogs. Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called "Arthur King," you and all your silly English K-nig-hts
.

I upgrade my sign at Pla-Za Art (reasonable prices for FoamCore) and move on to Eugene Trani's office. It's called hydraulics, Eugene. You pressure me and I transfer the pressure back to you.

Thanks to Janeane Garofalo for being my nasty girl

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"...the quintessential everyman, he's a little bit of everything that we're all striving for... mostly the search for the truth in our lives. From poignant notions of love to our own inescapable lascivious tendencies, from mundane to the outlandish, on that journey we face tough questions, but even tougher decisions. He'll take you on his journey and back, he won't promise you enlightenment (who can?), but you can at least be assured of a good time. Thanks..." - boyzco