OMG! Janeane Garofalo is suffering from an impacted George Clooney!
Originally uploaded by Stunted Growth
August 17, 2007
OMG! Janeane Garofalo is suffering from an impacted George Clooney!
OMG! Janeane Garofalo is suffering from an impacted George Clooney!
Originally uploaded by Stunted Growth
August 15, 2007
Attenzione: Mark Riley has left the Air America building
As breathlessly reported by BoreAmerica, Air America Radio has dropped Mark Riley from the network's lineup. Don't let the door hit your fat ass on the way out, Mark. If my calculations are correct, this leaves creepy talker Rachel Maddow as the last man standing -- haw, haw, haw -- of AAR's original talk show hosts. Ooops, I forgot Randi Rhodes, the Martha Mitchell of the American left.
Let's connect the dots, as they say in the counter-terrorism biz. I wrote postcard essays which I sent to media outlets such as The Nation. Editor Katrina vanden Heuvel read them and forwarded them to her friend, Janeane Garofalo, who after doing proposition research, decided that she liked me, she really liked me. Now a normal, healthy, well-adjusted person would then ask me out. As we all know, Janeane Garofalo is nothing if not normal, healthy, well-adjusted, and socially awkward. So rather than do anything straightforward, Ms. Garofalo engaged in a Cyrano de Bergerac campaign of stalking harassment romance consisting of one part "The Truth about Cats and Dogs" and the other part "Sweethearts" in the hope that I would reciprocate. Did I mention that Janeane Garofalo is nothing if not normal, healthy, and well-adjusted?
Through her proxies familiars and an essay I wrote, Ms. Garofalo learned that I was an admirer of Catherine Bell -- and what normal, healthy, well-adjusted hetero American male wouldn't be? Imagine Ms. Garofalo's consternation. Ms. Bell is tall, toned, and young. Janeane Garofalo is none of those things. Ms. Bell has a splendiferous set of boobs. Ms. Garofalo had hers removed as a part of her ongoing plastic surgery/self-mutilation/self-and-gender-hatred syndrome. Oh, well, there's always Plan B -- or is that Plan D? Janeane Garofalo is a tattooed skank. Catherine Bell is neither. Catherine Bell shaves her pits and pubes. The only area of her body that Janeane Garofalo shaves is her upper lip. Except for Scientology, Ms. Bell seems be to refreshingly -- ahem -- normal, healthy, and well-adjusted. Ms. Garofalo, on the other hand, has more baggage than Arianna Huffington checking into the Plaza, including an Electra complex as big as a house.
What to do? What to do? Ms. Garofalo arranges for my collector's edition of FHM with Catherine Bell to disappear from my apartment. And I get an anonymous envelope from Janeane with the Scientology shill piece that Catherine Bell sends to fans who write her. Having done her homework, Garofalo knows that will put me off Bell. Come to think of it, now that Janeane Garofalo has announced she believes 9/11 was an inside job, the only difference in the tin foil hats they're wearing is the number of layers. The part that had me stumped: how did Janeane manage to get a indecipherable postmark on the envelope so I couldn't tell where it came from? Plausible deniability was a part of the fun and games. The missing piece in this puzzle, of course, was Mark Riley, who used to work at the United States Postal Service and still has friends who do.
Of course, this sort of stunt has got to be a violation of the law, but then, Mark is a fan of thug-for-life and Castro-wannabe Hugo Chavez, who is nothing if not a follower of the rule of law. Riley may be a member of the Episcopal Church vestry, but they must have forgotten to supply him with a set of ethics or a refresher course in the Golden Rule. Mark found Ms. Garofalo's use of proxies to enter my apartment and invade my privacy amusing. Warrantless, illegal searches by the FBI and NSA are a no-no but fellow talk show hosts on Air America get a pass. Would Mark, his wife, and 10-year-old daughter find it funny if strangers sneaked into their home and snooped around? Of course not. Empathy - try it some time, dickhead.
Anyhoo, what goes around, comes around. I won't see ya, Mark. Wouldn't want to be ya. Mark Riley is an African-American, diabetic, overweight ex-smoker -- and out-of-work. As they say in the actuary business, do the math. I expect the life of Riley will be a relatively short one. I won't make it to your funeral, Mark, but maybe I will get around to pissing on your grave one day, though. At the very least, I've laid out a plot spot in the Air America Hall of Shame, right next to Sam "Scumbag" Seder. And what ever happened to Seder, anyway? No worries, mate. No matter where he is, you can be sure that he's assiduously kissing someone's ass at this very moment, becos that's what you gotta do when you're no-talent hack in show biz.
This leaves us with Katrina vanden Heuvel, whose self-righteousness flows like a mighty river to the sea. If America's energy reserves were as abundant as Katrina's stores of lefty piety, then the United States wouldn't have to worry about energy independence. As they used to say about another sociopath given to CREEPing around, what did Katrina know about Ms. Garofalo's shenanigans and when did she know it? I smell, if not a rat, then the odor of sanctimony gone bad or another case of Selective Moral Outrage. Does Katrina regret her failure to let sleeping cats and dogs lie? No worries, mate. If she doesn't already, she will. As I always say, with Janeane Garofalo as your friend, who needs enemies?
Let's connect the dots, as they say in the counter-terrorism biz. I wrote postcard essays which I sent to media outlets such as The Nation. Editor Katrina vanden Heuvel read them and forwarded them to her friend, Janeane Garofalo, who after doing proposition research, decided that she liked me, she really liked me. Now a normal, healthy, well-adjusted person would then ask me out. As we all know, Janeane Garofalo is nothing if not normal, healthy, well-adjusted, and socially awkward. So rather than do anything straightforward, Ms. Garofalo engaged in a Cyrano de Bergerac campaign of stalking harassment romance consisting of one part "The Truth about Cats and Dogs" and the other part "Sweethearts" in the hope that I would reciprocate. Did I mention that Janeane Garofalo is nothing if not normal, healthy, and well-adjusted?
Through her proxies familiars and an essay I wrote, Ms. Garofalo learned that I was an admirer of Catherine Bell -- and what normal, healthy, well-adjusted hetero American male wouldn't be? Imagine Ms. Garofalo's consternation. Ms. Bell is tall, toned, and young. Janeane Garofalo is none of those things. Ms. Bell has a splendiferous set of boobs. Ms. Garofalo had hers removed as a part of her ongoing plastic surgery/self-mutilation/self-and-gender-hatred syndrome. Oh, well, there's always Plan B -- or is that Plan D? Janeane Garofalo is a tattooed skank. Catherine Bell is neither. Catherine Bell shaves her pits and pubes. The only area of her body that Janeane Garofalo shaves is her upper lip. Except for Scientology, Ms. Bell seems be to refreshingly -- ahem -- normal, healthy, and well-adjusted. Ms. Garofalo, on the other hand, has more baggage than Arianna Huffington checking into the Plaza, including an Electra complex as big as a house.
What to do? What to do? Ms. Garofalo arranges for my collector's edition of FHM with Catherine Bell to disappear from my apartment. And I get an anonymous envelope from Janeane with the Scientology shill piece that Catherine Bell sends to fans who write her. Having done her homework, Garofalo knows that will put me off Bell. Come to think of it, now that Janeane Garofalo has announced she believes 9/11 was an inside job, the only difference in the tin foil hats they're wearing is the number of layers. The part that had me stumped: how did Janeane manage to get a indecipherable postmark on the envelope so I couldn't tell where it came from? Plausible deniability was a part of the fun and games. The missing piece in this puzzle, of course, was Mark Riley, who used to work at the United States Postal Service and still has friends who do.
Of course, this sort of stunt has got to be a violation of the law, but then, Mark is a fan of thug-for-life and Castro-wannabe Hugo Chavez, who is nothing if not a follower of the rule of law. Riley may be a member of the Episcopal Church vestry, but they must have forgotten to supply him with a set of ethics or a refresher course in the Golden Rule. Mark found Ms. Garofalo's use of proxies to enter my apartment and invade my privacy amusing. Warrantless, illegal searches by the FBI and NSA are a no-no but fellow talk show hosts on Air America get a pass. Would Mark, his wife, and 10-year-old daughter find it funny if strangers sneaked into their home and snooped around? Of course not. Empathy - try it some time, dickhead.
Anyhoo, what goes around, comes around. I won't see ya, Mark. Wouldn't want to be ya. Mark Riley is an African-American, diabetic, overweight ex-smoker -- and out-of-work. As they say in the actuary business, do the math. I expect the life of Riley will be a relatively short one. I won't make it to your funeral, Mark, but maybe I will get around to pissing on your grave one day, though. At the very least, I've laid out a plot spot in the Air America Hall of Shame, right next to Sam "Scumbag" Seder. And what ever happened to Seder, anyway? No worries, mate. No matter where he is, you can be sure that he's assiduously kissing someone's ass at this very moment, becos that's what you gotta do when you're no-talent hack in show biz.
This leaves us with Katrina vanden Heuvel, whose self-righteousness flows like a mighty river to the sea. If America's energy reserves were as abundant as Katrina's stores of lefty piety, then the United States wouldn't have to worry about energy independence. As they used to say about another sociopath given to CREEPing around, what did Katrina know about Ms. Garofalo's shenanigans and when did she know it? I smell, if not a rat, then the odor of sanctimony gone bad or another case of Selective Moral Outrage. Does Katrina regret her failure to let sleeping cats and dogs lie? No worries, mate. If she doesn't already, she will. As I always say, with Janeane Garofalo as your friend, who needs enemies?
August 14, 2007
August 10, 2007
OMG! Janeane Garofalo is suffering from an impacted George Clooney!
OMG! Janeane Garofalo is suffering from an impacted George Clooney!
Originally uploaded by Stunted Growth
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- Chris Martin
- "...the quintessential everyman, he's a little bit of everything that we're all striving for... mostly the search for the truth in our lives. From poignant notions of love to our own inescapable lascivious tendencies, from mundane to the outlandish, on that journey we face tough questions, but even tougher decisions. He'll take you on his journey and back, he won't promise you enlightenment (who can?), but you can at least be assured of a good time. Thanks..." - boyzco